Whenever I get myself a little bit depressed, finding someone who can be my outlet gives me MORE depression. In times I find myself unlucky for finding nobody, I'd just be locking myself inside the bedroom and play the piano. Piano, somehow, kills the pain. As what I said, music alone can mend my heart. . . Or it can be the person who had made me down. I'd have to admit that, sometimes, listening to sad songs gives more loneliness. The fact that every line suggests painful words that tear one's heart.
This past weeks, I've got such lonely days, though those hurt, those are mine. I thought I finally found the one. I guess I was really out of the path. I was vividly unconcious that I've had my heart fallen without thinking of the dignity-breaking experiences I just had since then. Now that my dark nights have continually fading away, I would opt to rest while finding the real me.
Honestly speaking, I don't know what's wrong with me. It is not easy for me to remove an arm and walk away. Every end for me seems like there's a new painful continuation. Considering these, it is hard for me to let go. All paths lead me straight to the triumphant person. Tell me, should I believe the chain messages that gave curse to me before? Like... "You'll be bad luck in love for 7 years..." GIVE ME A BREAK...
So I believe my mom well, I have to be STRONG. If I would be given a chance to change something that happened in the past, I would choose not to change anything. Those occurrences shall be my valuable reference to make me much stronger. I'm ready to face again one of the biggest challenges in my life... Starting all-over again. I've gone too far, this shall start now.
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